i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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