i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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