I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
