I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
