I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Congratulations! We have a period
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
