I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
