lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
