Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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