please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
