All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
