Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do herpes really smell.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize