I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
