You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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