seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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