no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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