I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
