dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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