so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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