My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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