its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
