so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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