I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
