i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
