last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
