What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
