your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
