Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
