So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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