think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
