The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
