OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
