Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
