Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
