My friends, they love my intelligence
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
