I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
