I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
