hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
