i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
