i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
