How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
