I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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