i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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