The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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