Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
