your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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