Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
