He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
