Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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