i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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