I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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