i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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