i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
