So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
