I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
