guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize