So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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