I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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