He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
