i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
