this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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