Little spoons don't ask big questions
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
