I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
