It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
