You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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